


(If I Had A Heart) I Could Love You

by blowingwinds



Series: The Wolf And The Huntsman [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - In Storybrooke | Cursed, Angst, Cursed Storybrooke, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, implied abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 19:57:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4032667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blowingwinds/pseuds/blowingwinds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-Emma Storybrooke. They almost made it. But almost is not enough sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(If I Had A Heart) I Could Love You

**Author's Note:**

> **DISCLAIMER:** Not mine, I’m just playing in E &A’s sandbox.
> 
>  **WARNINGS:** implied rape/abusive relationship (Regina/Graham)
> 
>  **A/N:** Inspired by [this](http://untamedunwanted.tumblr.com/post/93318561473/the-saddest-word-in-the-whole-wide-world-is-the). Title comes for Fever Ray’s If I Had A Heart (which you might know from the amazing title sequence for Vikings). Huge thanks to [Amy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookstvnerdlove) for helping be to get it out of my system.

(Ruby could have loved Graham. If she let herself.)

She watches him stumble through the door, shirt buttoned halfway and head hung in what looks too much like shame. The sight of his misery almost breaks her heart. But she just draws the blinds closed and busies herself cleaning a rack of dishes.

He feels girl’s watchful eyes on him but there is no disdain in them. Merely pity. It’s the look that haunts him all through the night as he seeks strength to break out of this vicious charade with the mayor in the bottom of a bottle.

Yet, it’s not enough to keep him from coming back to the tiny room - _second floor, first door to the left_ , Regina told him the first time - every Tuesday night. It’s a routine. He’d get wrapped up with files at the station or volunteer another shift at the shelter, anything to keep himself from going. But once the hands of his clock hit eight, he’d be standing at that very door, unable stay away.

Some nights, he clutches the key in his hands for a few beats, secretly hoping to find the room empty. Yet, she’s always there, dressed in her sharp suits and dark tones, smile playing on her lips. _I do love her_ , a ghost of idea crosses his mind as he lays his eyes upon her. It’s just a fleeting thought that never lingers longer than an instant. For there’s no love lost in his touches, his caresses mechanical and mind wandering. Still, whether it’s the routine of their affair or something else entirely, he knows her body well enough to drive her right to the edge.

Sweaty and breathless they lie together afterwards, yet the distance between them only grows wider. He counts to ten in his head, gaze fixed on the peeling ceiling and her eyes on him, before sliding from the covers and throwing his clothes on. If she minds, she doesn’t say anything as he flees, finishing to lace his boots in the hallway.

* * *

It’s five minutes till closing time when he staggers into the diner and Ruby has half the mind to kick him out. There’s a haunted look in his eyes, the kind that greets her in the mirror every other day, which stops her in her tracks.

“I need a drink. It won’t take long.”

“Five minutes,” She gestures to the clock on the wall, though it’s been stuck at eight fifteen for as long as she remembers.

She gets him a bottle from under the counter, the very same one Granny specifically ordered to keep away from the clients, and pours a generous tumbler, hands lingering on the glass for a beat too long. _Sorry_ is right on the tip of his tongue, though he isn’t entirely sure what he’d be apologizing for in the first place.

“Just leave the money on the counter once you’re done,” With a sigh, she grabs a rag from the counter and goes back to scrubbing the tables.

The diner is almost eerie with the lights dimmed and just the clatter of Ruby’s heels against the tiles to fill the silence. His fingers fiddle with the rim of the glass before he gulps it down with a few sips, familiar numbness slowly setting in. He catches a glimpse of her reflection in the window, sympathy shining in her green eyes and the urge to escape overwhelms him.

“Graham?” She calls after him, “Why do you keep coming back to her?”

“I wish I knew,” His voice is too low for her to hear as the door slams shut.

She stays at the door long after he disappears into the night, toying with a wolf pendant on her key ring. _Suits you_ , he’d said in between her cries of _why-can’t-I-just-leave_ the night he found her wandering by the edge of the town, drunk and angry at the world. _How so?_ she’d quirked an eyebrow at him. _Wolves crave freedom, you do too_ , his voice seemed almost wishful. _How would you know? Are you a wolf?_ She’d laughed when but in the faint glow of the moonlight his words had somehow rang true.

The wolf grows warm from the heat of her palm. For a moment it almost feels there’s something about it she’s missing. A ghost of a feeling. A memory. Something she used to know once upon a time.

“Ruby?” Granny’s voice catches her in surprise.

With a sigh, she shakes the thought away. “I’ll be right up,” yells back, mostly out of habit.

* * *

Morning starts hectic with errands to run and Granny insisting on bringing the orders to the station herself in that funny way of hers when she’s talking in riddles.  _You don’t want the people to get a wrong idea, Ruby. Nor do you want to offend the wrong people_ .

But he’s pacing in the alley as she locks the diner up.

“We’re closed. So you gotta go to the _Rabbit_ for that drink,” she calls out, checking the door twice.

“It’s not… I’ve… I’ve been thinking about things you’ve said and I…” He stumbles over his words, running a hand through his hair every now and then.

“I shouldn’t have asked. But you don’t owe her, you know. Not your job. Not anything.”

He sways from side to side and she almost doesn’t expect an answer. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why can’t it be?” It shouldn’t sound like an accusation but the harshness of her tone makes him wince.

They stay silent for a few heartbeats as he steals another glance at his watch.

“She’ll be expecting me. And I want to stay away. But I don’t know how,” words pour out his mouth on their own volition. “It’s only when I’m with you that I have the strength to.”

Ghost of a smile plays on her lips and she reaches for his had. “Then come away with me.”

* * *

The woods are dark and thick with foliage, just a few lost beams of dying daylight peaking through the leaves. But for all the times they have sought for solace in the company the trees only to find another lost soul among them, both could follow the path blindfolded. It’s where they’ve grown comfortable in their silence, where she’s come to soothe her rage and he’s turned to look for an answer to his sorrows.

He isn’t sure what compels him to stop in his tracks. Warmth of her palm in his is all too familiar, tugging at the edge of his memories. It’s that strange game of hide-and-seek again his mind seem to be so intent on playing whenever she’s near. There’s something in her eyes that tells him he’s not the only one chasing ghosts in his head.

It almost comes as no surprise, the liberating sense of clarity that overwhelms them when her lips brush against his.

_The girl in the red cape that turned into the wolf under the moonlight and the boy called huntsman that cried over his kills and lost his heart at the hands of the Evil Queen._

“Red,” his voice gets caught in his throat.

“Graham,” she lets her hand rest over his chest where his heart is supposed to be. “We’ll get it back this time. I promise,” nods, determined. 

Only some promises are not meant to be kept.

* * *

Diner is a blur of people in the morning and it takes a few swats with a dishtowel from Granny to make Ruby pay attention to the patrons and stop mixing the orders up. But when Graham slips into his usual spot in the corner, somehow she just knows.

“Morning, Sheriff. Coffee for you?” A glint of teeth flashes through her blood-red lips as she pours him a cup, her fingers brushing over his for a briefest of moments. The sight of her stirs a sense of yearning within him. Yet, the feeling doesn’t linger for more than a second as the mayor slides into a chair next to him.

“You know I’ve missed you, don’t you?” Regina purrs into his ear, “Come, see me tonight.”

 And he comes, like clockwork.

(Graham could have loved Ruby. If he had a heart.)


End file.
